The body language that you use ultimately changes your tone of voice and your mindset.
I travel a lot for business and I don’t always make dinner reservations because I don’t know what ‘food mood’ I might be in after a long day of meetings. As it happens, I’ve found a restaurant in a market town that looks good from the outside and is pretty nice-looking inside too. There’s a sign that says ‘wait here to be seated’. So I wait. And wait.
The restaurant is relatively busy but not bustling. And there are plenty of staff wandering around looking busy. But not one of them has looked up and acknowledged that I exist. When someone does finally come to ask if I have a reservation, there’s no eye contact and no apology for keeping me waiting. Despite the professional-sounding welcome, there’s no smile and her concentration is on booking out my table on the computer screen.
If I hadn’t been so hungry (and limited for dining options) I think I might have left. It’s not my first experience with this recently either. In hospitality – whether that’s in a restaurant, hotel or shop – acknowledging the customer is THE number one rule. With a smile. Or they’ll leave pretty damn quickly.
I started working in hospitality when I was 13. I found a job working in a local restaurant as a waiter and one of the first things I was taught (apart from how to polish the silver cutlery!) was how to greet a customer. It did not include ignoring the customer and looking like the sky’s falling in!
Your smile is your logo, your personality is your business card
Firstly, the smile is a universal signal. We call the full true smile the ‘Duchenne smile’, named after French psychologist Duchenne, who first worked out that everyone on the planet smiles the same way. Bet you didn’t know that did you??
Your cheek muscles bunch up and pull the sides of the mouth up, and the eyes narrow slightly to cause little wrinkles. If I just do half the smile, just the mouth part, you actually won’t feel that good about me.
You see, when your brain only detects half the signal needed, it always defaults to the negative. This results in the customer being inclined to dislike you, regardless of how good the product or service. You have to give your guests a full smile for more than three seconds. It’s a universal signal that says: this is good, the environment is good, the relationship is good.
But the secret, especially at this moment in time, is in the eyes. Great eye contact sends a message of welcome and sincere interest. Lack of, or poor, eye contact sends the message that you have no time for, or interest in, the most important person on your premises – the customer!
The power of eye contact in the age of masks
I’ll give you an example. I went to a different restaurant not long ago for Sunday lunch. The sun was out for the first time after the storms and this place is perfectly situated on the river, so it was busy. Heaving in fact. This particular restaurant, as with many others at the moment post-lockdown, are choosing to ask their waitstaff to wear masks during service, which is fine. But in this age of masks, perhaps eye contact becomes far more important than a smile!
In this day and age we may only rely on reading those two irises, those two pupils, peeking out at us from their perches atop a surgical mask. Do those eyes dart towards the next table as the your interaction ends, or do they linger? Are those eyes strained? Do they anxiously survey the restaurant looking for people who might need help?
Not so in our case. Or for many of the other diners in the restaurant. Our waitress seemed to have an avid fascination with the floor. Which meant that lots of people were all vying for her attention at the same time. I get it. When a restaurant is busy, as a server it’s sometimes easier to ignore diners than have to acknowledge every requirement and then completely fail to deliver. But what she didn’t realise is that she wasn’t the only server failing to make eye contact with customers. I could palpably sense the frustration in the room.
The eyes provide a pathway towards sensing sincerity, especially when we don’t have the luxury of reading the whole face. The customer is seeking the spark of an emotional connection which indicates that one, the server is present and engaged; and two, the paying customer is going to be looked after professionally.
It’s not an easy task and, with the transient nature of restaurant staff, there’s not always much time to train your staff to the standards you wish to achieve. However, it should be one of the first things you teach a new member of staff, whether they are waiting a table, or preparing drinks behind the bar. It’s not only good skills that will help create better experiences for your customers; it’s a profound skill that will benefit them throughout their whole life. How you leave others feeling after having an experience with you becomes your trademark. Arm your staff with the tools they need and your customers will speak volumes for your brand.
I just finished reading your blog post on the importance of eye contact and I must say, I found your insights to be incredibly valuable. Your discussion on how eye contact can convey confidence, trustworthiness and engagement in various social and professional settings is spot-on. Additionally, your tips on how to make effective eye contact and the cultural considerations to keep in mind are very helpful. Overall, a fantastic read that highlights the significance of this often overlooked aspect of communication. Keep up the great work!