You waiter is judging you for these things
Whilst we are quick to judge whether our waiter or waitress is doing a good job and looking after us properly, are you aware that your waiter is judging you too? Do you know what for? Maybe you should.
In 2019, before the disastrous impact of Covid on restaurants, it was reported that almost 50% of young families, young couples and people under 35 living in shared accommodation in the UK eat out at least once a week. That’s a lot of people, a lot of restaurant time and a lot of time being waited on.
As with all relationships, it’s a two-way street. You want your server to communicate with you politely and professionally, but the same rings true of how you communicate with them. Here’s what you’re being judged for…
1. How you interact with each other
You’d be surprised how obvious it is to servers what frame of mind their diners might be in when they come in to the restaurant. They’ll notice whether you’re laughing and having a good time. Or whether you’re sitting in silence not making eye contact.
Many years ago, Mrs HB worked as a waitress in a gastropub and said her way of dealing with peoples’ moods varied.
“If a couple comes in and they’re not talking much or seem angry with each other, I used to purposefully bring their food out in a way in that meant having to share a serving spoon or directly interact with each other. Just that interaction could break the ice for them, allowing them to relax and enjoy their evening more.”
Another thing that waiters tend to notice is how groups and families choose to order from the menu. If they choose to order a whole pizza or a series or dishes to share amongst them, the server will assume that you are closer or more friendly with each other.
2. Special requests
Now don’t get me wrong, it’s fine to make requests for changes to a dish on a menu – within reason. But going overboard and basically selecting the base ingredient on the dish and then choosing the re-engineer the rest of the dish is unacceptable. If you’d don’t like what’s on offer, choose another dish on the menu or eat elsewhere perhaps?
And when it comes to other special requests, don’t start asking whether you can buy the ingredients or silverware used by the restaurant. You’re not in a grocery store or an interior design store! Restaurants can’t make money by selling its plates.
3. Is Pepsi OK?
Whilst restaurants try to be all things to all people, they can’t always meet your needs. This happened to me recently. There’s a trend in restaurants towards serving filtered or tap water as standard. And I’m not going to go into the details with a diatribe about water quality, but I will tell you that there is a significant difference between tap, filtered and bottled water. And my personal preference is for bottled water, which isn’t usually a problem.
But just recently, I was told the restaurant no longer sold bottled water and instead presented me with a bottle of ‘filtered’ water that had bubbles rising in it… I wasn’t best pleased but sometimes you just have to accept the status quo.
My point is, you have two ways of dealing with it. You can choose to roll your eyes, get angry or frustrated with the waiter because they can’t meet your demands. Or you can choose to accept it. Servers are automatically going to assume that if you make a fuss about having Pepsi instead of Coke, you’re going to be a difficult person; and 9 times out of 10, they’re usually right.
Remember, if your waitstaff can’t meet all your requirements, it’s often not their fault. They’re not the ones in charge of choosing menu items.
4. Being respectful of your waiter’s time
Restaurants are busy places and it’s common knowledge that your server will be responsible for a whole area or number of tables in the restaurant. Which means trying to meet the needs of multiple people at the same time.
When you use the phrase ‘when you get a chance’ or ‘next time you’re passing’, you’re letting the server know that you understand they are busy and have other people to look after at the same time, and that they can’t do everything at once.
Showing patience and understanding is always highly appreciated.
5. Asking for a different table
I’ll put my hands up here. I’ve been guilty of asking for a different table. Often because I’ve been placed next to a wide open door on a chilly day, or dumped in a dingy corner. But I’ve usually scanned the room first to make sure it’s not overly busy.
You see, asking to change tables can do two things: one, create havoc with the rotation and seating chart, and two, you might end up in an even busier section and experience a poorer level of service. And we all know what happens when you get poor service…
6. Saying thank you
It’s possibly the most obvious one, but a simple thank you goes a long, long way. More than you’d think. Recognition is rare when you wait tables. No one who works in restaurants is in the business for the appreciation. It’s a thankless job. But once in a while when you take the time to say thank you, you’re acknowledging that they’ve made your experience a good one. Saying thank you doesn’t take much time. Give credit where credit is due.
7. Your waiter is judging you for being on the phone
Phones are just a part of life these days. But being on the phone whilst a waiter is trying to speak to you is really irritating. I’ve talked about the importance of eye contact from the waitstaff previously, so why can’t they expect to you to respect this all important means of communication? By being on your phone, you’re creating an additional barrier for the server. They’re not going to come over to your table and serve you until you’re off the phone. It would be deemed rude to hover at the table, listening to your phone call, whilst they try to get your attention.
It’s simple really: when the server comes over to take your order, put your phone down or tell the person on the other end to give you a minute, THEN go back to your phone. It eases all sorts of tensions for both parties. Additionally, during the meal there may be times when the server needs to impart information or make sure that the right person is getting the right dish. Show them a little respect; it’s not difficult.
8. Whether you treat them like a human being
The people serving your table are not automatons. They’re humans and they deserve to be treated as such. I don’t talk to them simply because they’re waiting on my table, but because I’m genuinely interested in people. When was the last time you asked your waiter how his or her day is going? It’s remarkably disarming when guests ask servers about their day. It breaks up the typical scripted dialogue and disrupts the phony pleasantries that define the usual interactions during a meal.
Since most restaurant guests show little to no interest in their server’s role beyond providing them food, this is an opportunity to distinguish yourself. Asking about their day also shows concern without expecting intimacy. It’s a much more effective question for building solidarity than asking the server his name.
But mostly, just be human and mind your manners. Whether you’re in a fine-dining restaurant or a pub, it doesn’t hurt to be polite and courteous.
